Let me ask you a question: how many of you remember your school days, especially during the English period, when you were asked to write an informal letter to a friend? I am pretty sure you didn’t write just one letter over those 13 years; you probably would have written at least 30 or even more than that. Wherever you are while reading my blog, take a moment to revisit your school days. How many of you wrote those assigned letters to the exact same person every single time, without ever changing the name after “Dear ……….”?
If you were to ask me this question, to be honest, I never had that one specific friend I could call my “home” or address all my letters to. In my case, every phase of life brought a different person, almost like seasonal best friends. This might sound unusual, as not everyone maintains a single childhood best friend into adulthood. However, I don’t believe keeping the same best friend forever is impossible either. I’ve met plenty of people who have been best friends from childhood all the way into adulthood, as if they were made for each other.
It went like this: I had different people I called my best friend throughout school. There was one in 6th and 7th grade, another in 8th and 9th, and finally another in 10th and 11th. The painful truth I eventually realized was that it was completely one-sided. I was the only one going around saying, “My best friend is…”, while each of them considered someone else in their life to be their best friend.
Later, I started questioning myself. Was it my fault that I couldn’t keep a single best friend in my life forever? Where did things go wrong? It felt like everything was my fault and that they were all perfect. But to be completely open, I was showing up for each of them every step of the way. From chatting every day to sharing inside jokes, those were blissful times. I helped them with their academics by explaining concepts whenever they had doubts, being with them at their lowest, pushing them forward, and encouraging them; I also shared everything with them. Whenever something interesting happened in my life, I couldn’t wait until our morning walk to school the next day to tell them about it.
Showing up every time to make those friendships stronger became a natural habit of mine. From the school gate to the classroom entrance, and from the canteen to the playground, we were thick as thieves wherever we went. I would feel upset if we didn’t chat over the phone for even a single day—so much so that I would intentionally look for an academic doubt to ask just so we could exchange a few messages. To put it simply, being with them at those different phases of my life made me feel as if I had butterflies in my stomach, and to highlight how much I valued them, I was always more thrilled about their upcoming birthdays than they ever were.
Looking back, every best friendship I had in my life was just like a gentle breeze passing by. Slowly, every single one of them started to evaporate and move away from me. It’s hard to explain that kind of pain to anyone else, but we only truly understand a feeling when we experience it ourselves. Even after finishing school, when we were in different parts of the world, I still called and texted them. But from their side, the effort was gone. Eventually, I decided to check how many times I had initiated contact. Looking through my history, I realized that every call and text was purely from my side, and the other end was merely responding and answering my calls and texts, where I felt that I was ignored. Sometimes, whenever a notification sounded or my phone rang, I would pick it up, hoping that those friends had called or texted—though, as of now, that has never happened. The moment I decided to preserve my self-respect, I stopped initiating those routine texts, a decision that was even more painful.
In my mind, a friendship doesn’t require daily messaging; reaching out at least once every couple of months is enough. Yet, this challenging phase taught me invaluable life lessons. As I gradually emerged from the depressing chaos, I realized that it takes two hands to clap: every friendship must be a two-way street, just like how other relationships in life work, and holding onto a one-sided connection is pointless. I also learned that not everyone you meet is meant to stay forever, and some people are only meant to be a single chapter in your story. Obviously, not all chapters in your life can be inked, and a few are always erasable, just like chapters written with a pencil. I knew how much effort I made to keep them in my life, which didn’t work at all in the end; they were seasons of secrecy and became strangers by day.
If you are fortunate enough to have a childhood best friend who has stayed by your side through it all, I am truly happy for you and hope your bond lasts a lifetime. But if you aren’t in that position, having a small circle of good friends is far better than chasing the idea of one ultimate best friend.
If you are fortunate enough to have a childhood best friend who has stayed by your side through it all, I am truly happy for you and hope your bond lasts a lifetime. But if you aren’t in that position, having a small circle of good friends is far better than chasing the idea of one ultimate best friend.
Ever since I accepted this reality, I have stopped calling anyone in my life as my “best friend,” even though many remain deeply important to me as good friends. If I ever get the chance to speak with those friends from my past again, I will consider it a blessing. And if our story was meant to be just a temporary chapter, I will simply cherish those fond memories that I got to enjoy in my past and continue moving forward.
No Responses